just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.