i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.