literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
