1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar