just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
