new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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