You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So many bounce houses so little time
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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