Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Are we still banned from the library?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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