The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
