I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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