dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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