I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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