New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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