You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
