Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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