I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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