well I can't set my house on fire every night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
