really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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