Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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