I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
