so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
