Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
