She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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