just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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