I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
