I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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