Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So much rum. So many feels.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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