I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
