You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
