I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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