We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize