Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
