I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
