Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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