Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
