he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
