Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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