Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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