Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
