New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
