Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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