By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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