My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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