you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
