everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
