Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
