If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
