I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
