Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
