So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
