So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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