i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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