only if we run a train.
done.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
