I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
