we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
