dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
