Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
