Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
