forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
