I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize