well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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