so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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