please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
