he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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