i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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