Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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