Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
