The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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