just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
