I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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