I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
