i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
