Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
