He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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