i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
