my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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