Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
