Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My life is pants optional.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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