I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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