I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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