there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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