woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
