Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
