Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
