it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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