i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
