Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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