so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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